I needed to be alone--it was all too much and just so strange.
Reflections (9/28/19)
We weren't created with the capacity to breeze through these times. Feeling is a gift, even when it hurts.
…and then I remembered.
I was just talking with someone I greatly respect and love. She's younger than me by a few years. For a moment I wondered if she looks up to me... And then my mind jumped to women older than me who I look up to. And if I wanted to talk with one of those …
finite
I'm finite, I come to an end. These are lyrics from a Sara Groves song. They've been ringing in my head for a while now, reminding me of the need to desire eternity with God but not be so "heavenly minded that I'm of no earthly good," as my dad would say. I must be …
the crying
today's been a random tear festival. the only thing i can attribute it to is hormones, really. that in addition to how i should be 14 weeks pregnant, beyond nausea and full of excitement. i should have told the world by now about the baby inside me and my hidden pinterest board would be on …
i want to parent now more than ever
i know i'll cry a lot in the days ahead. and thankfully, i've learned that that's okay. crying is okay. loss is of the devil but crying is okay. and right now, about 12 hours after hearing we've lost our baby, i'm crying as i think about not being able to marry my baby off. …
it’s all gone
it felt like hours. i didn't think we were getting an ultrasound today but when we got that news i was excited. it meant we got to hear our baby's heartbeat once again. the first time was incredible. it was a sort of confirmation that we're truly on this journey toward parenthood. the tech couldn't …
