I was just talking with someone I greatly respect and love. She’s younger than me by a few years. For a moment I wondered if she looks up to me…

And then my mind jumped to women older than me who I look up to. And if I wanted to talk with one of those women about stuff I’m experiencing with the knowledge that she’d be sympathetic and yet honest…who would I call?

A name and face quickly came to mind…and then I remembered.

She’s dead. One of the people I’d love to share life with right now and glean from is dead.

I’m reminded of death’s unpredictable nature at the most random of times. It stings even though it has lost its sting. It reminds me of my loss even though it has no victory.

I just wanted to get an Espi-hug, hear her say, “Meeeeeky!” and talk about God’s faithfulness. That’s all I wanted. Instead I received a wave of sadness, not a massive wave but one big enough to remind me that friendship goes deep and godly people are irreplaceable. Even a memory of them blesses me.

And then I remember to say, “God, thank you for Espi. Thank you for the time I had.”