I used to think I had to save you. Perhaps that began the morning your basketball coaches knocked on our classroom door, asking to speak with me. Was this normal? I didn’t know quite how to respond. They were tall, the senior of which wore a dark velour sweatsuit. That afternoon I asked Tom for…
life
D&C Prep
this is some shit. please don’t excuse my language. please hear it. listen. deeply. this is my life right now, my very present reality. and i don’t give a rat’s ass if you judge me. you try responding to this question: “Can you tell me in a word of phrase what the doctor will be…
i want to parent now more than ever
i know i’ll cry a lot in the days ahead. and thankfully, i’ve learned that that’s okay. crying is okay. loss is of the devil but crying is okay. and right now, about 12 hours after hearing we’ve lost our baby, i’m crying as i think about not being able to marry my baby off….
it’s all gone
it felt like hours. i didn’t think we were getting an ultrasound today but when we got that news i was excited. it meant we got to hear our baby’s heartbeat once again. the first time was incredible. it was a sort of confirmation that we’re truly on this journey toward parenthood. the tech couldn’t…
8 weeks and counting
Great. Just got an email telling me what my belly will look like after pregnancy. Well after poking it daily with anti-coagulant juice, I’m sure it’ll be real pretty in its deflated form. More on the juice later… May 27, 2013 I never did get to write about the experience so I’ll briefly detail…
week 8
i’m proud to be pregnant. not in an anti-abortion kind of way but in a… dagnabit, if i can suffer nausea and bloating and weight gain all because something the size of a kidney bean is inside of me then i will gladly tuck in my shirt and showcase my belly (to me and my…
week 7
nausea. if i could pay someone a year’s wage to make it go away, i’d find that money somewhere. that almost reflects how much i hate my current state. it’s so bad that if i haven’t felt nauseous for a while and then just THINK about it, i get nauseous. i’m telling you…i couldn’t dream…