i want to parent now more than ever

i know i’ll cry a lot in the days ahead. and thankfully, i’ve learned that that’s okay. crying is okay. loss is of the devil but crying is okay.

and right now, about 12 hours after hearing we’ve lost our baby, i’m crying as i think about not being able to marry my baby off. i don’t care that it was only 8 weeks along. if it were a girl, she would have made a beautiful wife. if it were a boy, he would have made a catch of a husband. but i’ll never actually know.

and i’m crying because i feel sadness for every woman who’s felt she had to abort her baby. i’m not here to say whether abortion is wrong or not. i just know, from a friend who aborted her baby, that even when you think it’s the right thing to do (you’re too young, it was rape, etc) it still hurts. so i feel sadness for each of you who’ve done what you felt you needed to do and now live with the “what ifs”.

and i cry because sometimes that’s all you can do.