#1. I woke with regret. It’s been a week since surgery. I’m doing quite well–pretty strong, beating fatigue. But I should have set up an auto response for email, trusted all of work to God. Instead, I’m not truly resting and it feels too late now. What pains me is not that I need the…
Tag: miscarriage
to be known
today i talked with a few girlfriends on our monthly conference call. i shared how hard mother’s day was, how i cried as mothers were asked to stand in church and children handed them flowers. i talked about the pain of not being a mother. one friend responded with, “You are a mother. Women who’ve…
the crying
today’s been a random tear festival. the only thing i can attribute it to is hormones, really. that in addition to how i should be 14 weeks pregnant, beyond nausea and full of excitement. i should have told the world by now about the baby inside me and my hidden pinterest board would be on…
D&C Prep
this is some shit. please don’t excuse my language. please hear it. listen. deeply. this is my life right now, my very present reality. and i don’t give a rat’s ass if you judge me. you try responding to this question: “Can you tell me in a word of phrase what the doctor will be…
i want to parent now more than ever
i know i’ll cry a lot in the days ahead. and thankfully, i’ve learned that that’s okay. crying is okay. loss is of the devil but crying is okay. and right now, about 12 hours after hearing we’ve lost our baby, i’m crying as i think about not being able to marry my baby off….
it’s all gone
it felt like hours. i didn’t think we were getting an ultrasound today but when we got that news i was excited. it meant we got to hear our baby’s heartbeat once again. the first time was incredible. it was a sort of confirmation that we’re truly on this journey toward parenthood. the tech couldn’t…