Here’s a terrible “freshman essay” first line for you:
Rejection is something we’re all afraid of.
Oh really? You’re kidding? Well I’ll be!
So seriously, it’s true and I admit that it’s true for me. I recently had an “ah ha!” moment that wasn’t quite as Oprah-exciting as the moment sounds. I was thinking through my relationship with a couple of my students or my lack of relationship (however you may want to term it). I started chaplaining with the realistic expectation that not everything would be a heel clicker, not everyone would fall in love with me or I with them, and I was okay with that in theory. But as the reality has played out I’ve found myself equating a lack of relationship with a job gone bad. Surely if I were worth my salt, I wouldn’t be experiencing negatives. Yeah right.
And as thought about how things have transpired (or not transpired) I’ve realized two things: 1. all relationship trouble is two-sided & 2. I don’t like to feel rejected.
Yuck. Blegh. #2 sounds gross, like I’ve got self-esteem issues. Me? No! Never… Well, yeah actually. I do often equate my worth with how others respond to me. I need to stop. And before you offer up random counsel on the matter, be assured that I’ve gotten much healthier in this respect. These (almost) 2 years have been such a character builder (to say the least!). I’m not as emotionally healthy as I’d like to be and just because I’ve got a load of awareness doesn’t mean I’ve arrived.
#1 is easier somehow, allows me to not take responsibility for everything. Yet it also reminds me to take stock of my stuff, my yuck, grow, get better.
Still striving for better. Better = finding my worth ONLY in the One who made me…only.
**Now I don’t often speak in 2nd person on here but I think I have to insert the following in response to the last 2 sentences….**
Feel free to groan at the cliche. And when you’re done groaning and wallowing in your self-righteousness, buck up and get better… And that, my friend, is free advice. Take it or leave it but don’t complain when getting better starts breaking your bank.
Don’t you just love these uncharted waters? : )