I tear up more easily as I age.
Just read a bit about a woman who began pastoring in the Seventh-day Adventist Church in 1973. She was an associate pastor then and became a lead pastor in 1979. She was also a Communications and English professor. Her name was Josephine Benton, a trailblazer. She died a few months ago at age 99.
I tear up because, well, blazing trails is exhausting. Thankfully, I’m not currently exhausted, yet I’m familiar with the experience and some of the memories still sting. And I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated by the reality that Pastor Benton’s trail and the trail of every woman who has pastored since continue to be littered with and eroded by the ills of patriarchy.
So I try to get off the trail sometimes, do things that have nothing to do with pastoring, exercise, ignore my phone. And while on the trail, I do my best to wear shoes that fit my feet and are appropriate to the state of the trail. This means pastoring with the gifts I have, not the gifts that seem to make others well known. This means staying in conversation with God and letting God prioritize my work. This means focusing on what matters, not on what’s simply flashy or on fire.
And it means remembering why I pastor. Yes, I pastor because I believe God wants me to do it but what keeps me is knowing that if I quit, I’ll miss it. With all that’s crazy about pastoring, there’s so much good and when I come at it with my honest self, the sun comes out (which it literally did as I wrote that sentence). Littered and eroded trails are still littered and eroded, but the sun has a way of revealing the beauty of what’s possible. I never want to miss that.
Thank you, Pastor Benton.