Reflections (9/28/19)

On Sunday, I went to a funeral.

It’s not the way you want to spend your day. You never wake up wishing for it. It comes. The longer you live, the more often it comes.

One moment on Sunday that stands out in my mind was at the gravesite. The person who eventually prayed before the casket was lowered calmly and firmly stated, “Well, we’ve gone as far as we can go.” It was as if before this moment, we could live in a sort of denial, as if death isn’t really death until the body is lowered into the grown. And in that statement was also an admittance that we’d journeyed with the deceased as far as we can. We’re not going into the ground with him–not yet, not now. Our existence with him ends here.

And yes, we focused on the resurrection and life eternal that will come soon and very soon. But there’s something right about focusing on the reality of today.

Today, I can no longer call my Uncle G.

He wasn’t my blood uncle. He was old enough to be my grandfather. I met him when I was 4 or 5. He was the only grandfather figure I’ve known since my actual grandfathers both died long before I was born. He was stern. He used to be a giant. He had an amazingly deep, strong laugh. His smile was gold. His eyes had that old-soul twinkle.

And for a while yet, I will not be able to hear him or see him. That is hard. That is real. And I keep thinking about the last time I called him. No reason except to say hello, check in. (Those moments are Spirit-led, gentle nudges that are easy to ignore because life is already full. And it’s easy to believe that your call doesn’t matter.)

If you’ve been going through a loss of some kind, no matter how major or insignificant you think it is, I’m praying for you today. I’m praying that you’re able to hope in a perfect future new world. And I’m praying that you’re able to let yourself be wherever you are today. Sad? Be there. Angry? Be there. Frustrated? Be there. We weren’t created with the capacity to breeze through these times. Feeling is a gift, even when it hurts.

Reach out to friends. Reach out to acquaintances who you know, somehow, you can trust. Find that quiet place and pour out all that you’re thinking and feeling to the Father.

Don’t live today alone.

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