all my children

i want to carry
all my children
on my back
and in my arms

i want to smell
their all-day-playing
sunscreened heads
then watch them as they

drift
away

down
deep
in slumber

unconsumed by weighty thoughts
freshly bathed in calming bubbles

prayers ascended
kisses lavished
uncontrollably

i want to carry them
my longed-for babies
and I do
in flowers she made

i clip them to my hair
or clothes

remember what it was to hold
them deep inside

and then no longer

oh, my children
flesh or memory
all my children
this smile is for you

 

I wore this flower on Friday as I traveled the farthest I’ve ever been away from my daughter. I intentionally clipped it on as a way to keep her close. 

A friend gave me this and several other flowers after my first miscarriage. Since then, these flowers are always a symbol of motherhood and I think, with more gratitude than ever, about what I have even as I have lost. 

Thank you, Isha. You had no idea your gift would keep giving like this, did you? ❤️

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