over it.

It’s as if short snippets are all I’ve ever known.

The daily “I should post that” thought is killing me–figuratively, of course. There was a time when long prose pieces were my thing. I didn’t just want to write; I wrote and I wrote a lot. I wrote poems. I wrote about my day. I wrote a weekly newspaper column my senior year of college, spat out 300 words (mostly last minute) and loved it. I wrote a newsletter–the Christian Single Female–for a few years, starting in grad school. I kept more than one blog. I wrote very authoritatively. I wrote in magazine margins. I wrote in journals.

Now, I must admit that journal writing was only ever a win in the consistency department for one year, circa 2000-2001. I still remember the medium-blue journal. A cheap thing. Can’t even believe I used such a nondescript item. But I did and faithfully.

And now I have random thoughts that (often) no one should truly care about and I post them on twitter or IG or Facebook because I know that someone will care (or at least pretend). They’ll like the post and if it’s really something, they may even comment. Comments are my favorite, especially from the people who speak to my sarcasm in some way (but only if the post warrants such a quip, of course). And I do enjoy a little precision posting, the sort that notes the time of day when traffic is higher. (I’m not always persnickety but when I am it’s all the time.)

The ultimate trump (lower case “t”) post is one of or about my child. She’s so cute. Only miserable people (or those doing something else with their time) pay no attention to her. Their loss.

But yesterday I realized that I’m so tired of all these mediums–I only want one. It’s kind of like the day I decided that my divided blog lives needed one central home. To say I’m grateful for the ability to export and import is an understatement. Truly–those functions saved my life…figuratively, of course.

The divided life is real and the older I become, the less I like it. It’s time consuming and while I do have time (yes, even though I have a child), I don’t have desire to spend my time this way. Sure, not all eggs can land in one basket. I’m not aiming for an amazingly smooth system (well maybe 20% of me is and I’m all about developing a personal uniform to make the morning routine much simpler).

I’m aiming for fewer distractions and a clearer purpose. I’m also aiming for more freedom to kick back here and there instead of succumbing to a Pinterest binge. I want less stuff. Less clutter. Give me white space, give me margin…whatever you want to call it. If you’re thinking about giving me or my family anything, ask us first if we need it. I’m tired of fighting the sentimental battle. But my friend gave this to me as a graduation present 16 years ago! But you haven’t read it!!!

Okay, some of you are great gift givers. It’s how you love. I know that. Right now I need you to love my need for nothing. Coz I’m so over the noise. Often times, my favorite part of the day is when it’s silent.

~~~

Wow…it feels so good to write.

4 Replies to “over it.”

  1. quick comment on your guilt over gifts… Marie Kondo (check her out if you haven’t yet) says the purpose of gifts happens in the exchange. Receive it with gratitude. After that, if it doesn’t bring you joy… let it go.

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