the crying

today’s been a random tear festival. the only thing i can attribute it to is hormones, really. that in addition to how i should be 14 weeks pregnant, beyond nausea and full of excitement. i should have told the world by now about the baby inside me and my hidden pinterest board would be on full display, being added to by the minute.

instead i’m weepy and i’m overwhelmed by the crazy flu that’s invaded my body plus the interpersonal drama of work. i’ve got a tooth extraction tomorrow, a mtg with a guy about drilling to figure out if we have a moisture problem (something i could really care less about right now) and an MRI scheduled for Tuesday because one of my fibroids is massive enough and there could be more…

i’m sick of being annoyed at people being pregnant for the first and second time. i’m sick of being mad at the weight i’ve gained and would desperately like to lose. i’m sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being unhappy.

i needed the world to stop so that i could get off a month ago. it didn’t stop. i’m still along for the ride. i’m exhausted. i’m heading on vacation on Wednesday and i don’t even want to go. i don’t want to go. i just want things to be whole. there’s too much. just too much.

and i want to talk about it. i want to scream it or punch my fist through drywall. i want people to know that they should leave me alone, stop going through foolishness and passing it on to me. i’m ready to take the next job offered to me if it’s primarily administrative.

the worst part of all this is that that i don’t know how to talk to Justin about it.

|~|~|

i found this and cried some more.

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