this week’s "remedy"

i’ve been trying to make a habit of taking out a certain notebook at 1pm each friday and reflecting on the week. i call it “remedy” b/c that’s the local coffee shop in which this idea first took shape. and the remedy of this cathartic process is it’s ability to not necessarily fix anything that’s gone wrong during the week but rather to force me to think about the good–not as a way to ignore the bad but as a way to enter into Sabbath rest at peace. for far too long, Sabbath has become a chore. it’s rushed. it begins right after my internal whine session that typically begins with, “i should have been able to…but i didn’t and that’s going to force me to….and…and…”

a load of regret & frustration smacks up against what should be 24 hours of aaaaaahhhhhhhhh. so now i write the good and i sometimes sit for a while until a truly good memory, void of disclaimers & regret, makes it to my consciousness and onto the page. (fyi, i use Moleskine notebooks. good products elicit better prose. the only reason why i’m typing it here today is b/c my notebook is in my car which is outside and up a flight of stairs. i’m lazy.)

so now that you know part of my “remedy” history, here’s to some reflections from the week gone by.

though i know i shouldn’t be so focused on production i am quite thrilled by the knowledge that i’ve accomplished much this week. yes, Evernote would beg to differ. BUT i’m content. truly. each box may not be checked but what’s done is done and what’s done is enough. it’s 1:22pm and i’m not anxious, not flustered, not steaming with regret. the week has been full and good.

i’ve made progress in work stuff. i’ve also remembered how the student part of my job (as opposed to the administrative-paperwork part) is wonderfully dynamic and meaningful. as the house gradually quieted down this week after student departures, i suddenly felt more mentally/emotionally available for conversation, for connection and i’d love to discover a way to make 2012 less paper/laptop focused and more student focused.

another plus of the week occurred yesterday when a roofer gave his estimate and i was able to look at the estimate and confidently ask questions, questions that i never would have even thought of just a few months ago. this job is teaching me so much about buildings and even though it sometimes stresses me out, yesterday reminded me that i’m learning…and that’s good stuff. one day you’ll call me Mrs. Pastor, General Contractor Jeffery. watch out world!

wednesday brought sad news–the death of another dean at my former school (that’s 2 in 2 months, both unexpected). i know, not a positive thought, but one i share b/c it forced me to be honest about death. yes, i have positive memories to look back on and the confidence that she died in Christ. and yet…death frustrates the mess out of me. and being able to admit that versus attempting to come up with a nicely packaged answer is a plus. sometimes things don’t make sense and sometimes it’s okay to stop there.

last thing. i said goodbye to one of my student-residents today. she’s all graduated so she packed up her stuff and moved out. we’ve been gym buddies and this past semester yielded our most stellar gym attendance to date! we’re quite proud of ourselves : ) i’ll miss her. this is the part of student life that’s bitter-sweat…they don’t stay forever (which is good–clearly, they need to move on). and it’s been good having her here. cheers to the interweb!

and on that note, i’m off. i don’t generally proofread my notebook so you’re stuck with imperfect prose. *sigh* & Merry Christmas.

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