the ideal persona

i sometimes wonder what it’d be like to be bubbly/sanguine…and how that would manifest in my work.

but i’m not bubbly/sanguine so spending time in wonderland is of no use. i’m mellow/melancholy. i think deeply and critically and i don’t always have a smile (and smiling, unfortunately, is how some ppl indicate happiness/approachability. the bubbly/sanguine smile and are, therefore, considered happy.)
so knowing what i am and what i’m not, i take what i am and (without making too many excuses to the tune of “i can’t change/that’s just how i am/this is my personality/wah wah wah”) minister to the needs of students as best i know how, constantly growing, forever improving, eternally challenged by what is perceived i should be.
what adds to the challenge is the non-student side of my work, the stuff that doesn’t impact them immediately or directly yet matters to the life of the ministry. balance? nope. there’s no such thing. just the daily, “God, what would you have me do?” and doing it come what may.
oh yeah. uncharted waters.

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