E

i can’t sleep. it’s a reoccurring problem of the last few months. i’ll wake to appease my bladder then return to bed wide-eyed. and it’s not that i actually feel wide-eyed but that’s how my body acts as my mind awakens to the many things i should have said or need to say, should have done or need to do–all work related. tonight, i tried counting backwards. i kept getting stuck at the transition point: 91, 81, 71. can’t recall how many times i had to start over as another conversation i need to have crossed my brain. the amount of concentration required to get to the next set of 10s was incredible.

it’s going on 2 hours since i was truly asleep and i can’t help but think that this habit keeps killing any joy i have left. work is hard enough on a full tank.

…uncharted waters.

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