the world i live in is very cyclical, therefore, for me not to live cyclically is unconsciously frustrating. until now. God answers prayer.
i’ve been in a bit of a funk, not particularly thrilled by anything except the act of completing something. if i can cross it off, i want to do it. if its endpoint is indefinite, forget it. because i, like my students, want to be done. i want to come to the end of next week and know that exams are fully behind me, all assignments have been turned in, and sooner than later my bags will be packed and i’ll be off to somewhere else for the summer. this is their pattern. it’s nice.
but it is not naturally my lot. i don’t get to cross off another semester and see a grand change in my daily pattern. i get to work, just as i’ve been doing. but how do i do that when the lives of these around me are changing once again? how do i stay the same and not whine about my state?
i create a cycle for myself, one that isn’t affected by the cycles of others (or lack thereof), and one that still achieves all that God desires. what it looks like has yet to be fully determined but will be by the time the day is done.
cycles of frustration…these are uncharted waters…