belief

i often begin thinking about work 5 minutes after i become fully conscious in the morning. it’s a great reminder that i actually care about my job. on the other hand, it’s often a reminder that i’m overwhelmed as my job’s various realities crash into my personal need to simply adjust to my new life. this morning is a crash morning. and as my head becomes clouded by stress i tell myself to stop yet find some sort of terrible satisfaction in attempting to control the cloud.

and then i read Matthew 6:25-34–do not worry.

i could conclude that i’m just supposed to live in the moment. but no. i should still plan for tomorrow but not get caught up in the uncertainties of tomorrow. that’s where the crash occurs. if i knew exactly what would happen i like to think i’d be okay. but i’d probably still experience this crazy worried state. so i’ve just got to get into the habit of asking God for direction, doing my part and leaving the rest alone.

leave the rest alone. stop trying to control the future. stop it. stop. God’s got this. the consequences of unbelief will drive me mad.

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