the quick flip of emotions, like factory line pancakes, take me from a calm “ah, the breeze is so lovely” to an irritated “why are you talking right now?”
a classmate said she loves my personality–i’m so nice. i told her she must not know me well. of course, i don’t totally mean that. but she obviously doesn’t see me all the time. and her personality brings out the good in me so she’s bound to see much good. hmmm…
my schizophrenic moments–i don’t understand them. on the list of things i enjoy, consistency is high. selfishness must be higher. but where’s the line drawn between selfishness and consistency? coz sometimes if my need for consistency is denied me, my emotions become pancakes and my life becomes a factory.
a classmate took my seat once. i was immediately unnerved. i told him he had to move. he thought i was joking. i wasn’t mean about it but i explained my need for consistency. he finally moved.
i could dismiss this all as a sign of “older” age. but i’ve been this way for as long as i know. i need habits. i have expectations and i need them met. i know i can be selfish sometimes…i work on not being selfish sometimes…sometimes i just want things my way. but sometimes i really need things my way.
how on earth do i have friends? consistency.