That’s basically how my morning prayer concluded. And I’ve had an interesting day filled with what I know to be God-ordered steps. I mean, what are the chances that I’d be alert enough at work to accomplish so many necessary things, tying up lose ends to ensure smooth future events? And how could I possibly go without lunch and not be so silently frazzled that I get a headache and then ticked off at myself for being a poor steward of my time? And it’s not that I think God ordered my lack of lunch…not at all! But He kept me so focused on the other necessary tasks at hand that hunger wasn’t able to control me. And how else would I have had an incredible hour-long conversation with a classmate about how we (global “we”) need to help each other remember the reality of the world we’re living in and the eternal world we want and that in order to get to eternity we have to be willing to critique our present reality like the spiritualistic nature of movies and the ego trips of video games.
And then God ordered my steps home from a later meeting. I could have walked out of the building the way I always do. But instead I took the back exit and the diagonal pathway which led me to one of the most incredible encounters I’ve ever had—under a tree. And there the four of us prayed for the salvation of him, a 14-yr-old boy. He’s sad and so confused/scared that he could barely open his mouth to pray. He struggled to call on Jesus. At first I thought it was because the three of us around him were 2 to 4 times his age but then I really saw the struggle. Anyone else would have simply hurried through the prayer so that he could get on his way. But not this boy. And he wasn’t simply shy—the war for his soul was clear. And I’m afraid to even say that coz it sounds to radical, so over-the-top, so….ah, there’s a word I can’t remember that would go perfectly here…
Anyway, today’s experiences have helped me remember to allow as many good things as possible to enter my head and heart so that what comes out is what people need.
Fanatic. That’s the word. I don’t want to sound like one. I don’t want to be one. I just want to kick back and enjoy life, honestly. I don’t want to struggle or be bothered with trivial things. I just want to work on a public campus and sing all over the place and write continuously.
But I can’t get so focused on what makes me happy that I walk right by the 14-yr-old who needs a listening ear. I can’t use the excuse that “I was just minding my own business.” I have to be willing to have my steps ordered by God.
As I write this I’m both willing and stubborn. I want God to use me. Yes, please. By all means. But I don’t want to be inconvenienced. So that’s why I have to ask Him to order my steps. Of course, I’m going to use the head He gave me and plan my day to the best of my ability. But if on my walk home God says, “Take the back exit and the diagonal path,” the day that I’ve already asked Him to order will go just as it’s supposed to—no inconvenience, no worry, just ordered steps.
So can I still go to movies? Can I still listen to jazz? Can I still ride my bike and use a Mac?
Those are definitely not the right questions!